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**PAST



One December day, after our Christmas party we asked the driver of our shuttle service to bring us to a playground. Since it's the last day of the school (for that year) he has to bring us somewhere as a treat. So the good old driver brought us to a playground. I remember being excited. This is playtime! Yessssss! On our way, I noticed this *grade 6 student staring at me. What do I care? I'm 8 years old…. I want to play and nothing else. I don't have anything to do with him. I don't WANT anything to do with him. He can go to hell for all I care.

Finally, we arrived at the playground. We played and played. 'til we can't play anymore. This grade 6 asshole approached me and asked me to go with him. He said he's going to show me something. I didn't go. It really made me uneasy, looking at him staring at me. Or shall I say watching him watch me. On the way back, I was quiet…I feel so uncomfortable. Then he moved a little, getting nearer to where I'm seating. I can't look at him… I don't want to. Suddenly I felt something on my legs. Something was brushing against them… It was his hands…. He's touching my legs! The damn asshole!(* didn't know the word before…) I moved farther…. But his hands just kept on reaching me. Inside I'm screaming… I don't want to be touched! But the damn service is full. I can't move. I want to yell at him. I want to kick him in the ass. But I kept my silence…. I have kept my silence until now.

What made me remember this?

Same thing happened while on my way home, a guy was seated beside me at the back of a FX. His hand accidentally touches my shoulder and his thigh is brushing mine. I took a peek and looked at him…. He's asleep. Maybe he doesn't know, maybe it was not intentional. So I moved very lousily so that he'll wake up…. He didn't. Did it one more time… he's still not awake… I said to myself "one more time, if he still wouldn't wake up, he's going to get it from me…" Luckily, the last time that I moved he has put his arm out of my way and moved his thigh . Whew! "Buti na lang, hay…. Kala ko dadaanin ko pa sya sa dahas…Di ata natatakot sa ganda ko ang isang ito ah..."

Things of the past do affect what you are now. It will help you become the person that you are at present. Either good or bad, it really depends on how you handle it. I'm not sure if the incident when I was still in gradeschool still affects me. In someway it still does. I don't like people that I don't know touch me (*who does anyway???). Is it me? (* Of course not, it couldn't be me! I'm sure of that 100%) Is it a state of mind? (*Could be) … Oh I don't know. I don't know. Somehow I just need to get it off.


*That boy in gradeschool is dead, I have killed him in thousand of ways. Now, I'm burying him. May he rest in peace with his piece of shit.

** Based on a not so true to life story.



BALIKTANAW